My original account was RcK but it got deleted for some reason :'(
The Dutchies according to Americans ;))
Fun Facts
Invented Sex
Dutch is the official language of Walla Walla.
Not American.
Invented Evil corporations in 1611.
The written language of Dutch is indistinguishable from English typed on a keyboard with your toes of the left hand transposed one key to the right.
Madonna and Drew Carey speak only Dutch.
Another curiosity is that when one replaces the 'o' with an 'ö', the 'a' ith an 'å' and the 'e' with an 'ä', the Dutch language becomes Swedish.
Live below sea level mostly. Drives up insurance. Don't like paying. Innate conflict.
Keep birthday calendars on the inside door of the toilet. This nay be due to the fact that Dutch people need to be pooping to think of their loved ones.
A popular food is kattenspek, which is bacon made from cat.
The dutch 'De Hoer Van Chuck Norris is often used to decribe Satan.
In Dutch, Dutch is called "Eend"
Everything on the subject of dutch in this article writen in dutch isn't really funny. ( Not even if you are dutch ).
The book in which they contain their words is called "de dikke van dale" (the fat vandalists)
Sample dutch sentences
Gezellig hè? The most common thing said in the dutch language, It's an expression of hate.
Dat weet ik niet is a standard phrase preceding any answer to a question or enquiry.
Kwik kwek en...? - This is a common greeting that can be said all day long. The reply is usually Kwak!, which means the hearer is doing fine. Stupid dutch people will react saying Jannetje, as the complete sentence is: Jannetje's vader(father) heeft(has) 3 zonen(sons): Kwik, Kwek en(and)...? The answer is ofcourse Kwak as this is, like Kwek and Kwik, an ordinary name for a Dutch boy. Jannet is the Dutch word for whimp and is often used on Dutch girls. Jannetje is the diminutive of Jannet and not of the name Jan which is another name the Dutch often used on their children. The diminutive of Jan is Jantje, not Jannetje.
Pilletje? said when someone tries to cheer you up.
Kijken, kijken niet kopen - A greeting when the Dutch enter a shop or market place.
Kweh?- Cold, as in far away.
Lekker or Leuk: These are actually the only words you have to say in the Netherlands. You don't need the rest. If you're in trouble, use these words.
Weet je wat ik wil, een opblaaskrokodil. - "All I want is an inflatable crocodile." A phrase commonly heard in trendy Amsterdam cafés and brothels.
Allemachtig prachtig. - "Look! Lousy stuff for stupid tourists. Your mum will be so pleased if you give her this for a present."
Entwige Blumenkraft! Heute die Welt, morgens das Sonnensystem! is not Dutch, but a related Nazi dialect. It does not, in fact, exist.
Kanker!, which mean cancer. The Dutch hate to to curse with diseases, so this term isn't used often.
Allememaggies!, which isn't really translatable (and if, it should sound stupid anyway). The annoying clown Bassie from international bountyhunters Bassie en Adriaan uses this word a lot when he's surprised.
Ik heb nog zo gezegd, geen bommetje!, fear-inducing warcry of the Harry Potter Martyrs' Brigade, coined by Jan Peter Balkenende (spiritual leader of the Harry Potter Martyrs' Brigade and the hippie movement) and Piet Hein Donner (leader of the Harry Potter Martyrs' Brigade's political branch.)
HI, HA, Hondelul -"Hi, Ho, Dogpenis" (the Dutch are weird... ) a not-respected referee.
Scheveningen- If someone tries to get you to say the word Scheveningen, please be extremely cautious! That person will try to make a fool of you, because only native Dutch people are able to pronounce this word correctly. If any person who doesn't have at least 2 Dutch parents says Scheveningen three times in a row and clicks his or her heels together, he or she will promptly explode. The exception is chess players, who will only be checkmated, unless they are masters of the small-center Sicilian defense. This was cleverly used during WWII to find hidden Nazis posing as Dutch.
Achtentachtig Scheven Schepen in Scheveningen- Just try to speak it and you know what it means.
Schapenneuker, Someone who really loves animals.
Nou Moe!: Now Tired! - Said when someone is very sleepy.
Helaas Pindakaas: Unfortunately peanutbutter
Eigen schuld dikke bult: own fault big bump
Wentelteefje: Turn around little bitch
Mierenneuker: antfucker, somebody who fucks ants, well not really but that someone who thinks small. very small, as small as an ant.
Vrouwen voor weinig geld! Say this if you want to be a popular girl or if you need some attention. If you have too much attention start using the words: Is goed, is goed or Bij mij thuis. Success guaranteed.
Nu breekt mijn klomp! - Now breaks my wooden shoe!, Old Dutch proverb roughly meaning "Nou moe!". Obsoleted the day #IRC was invented. Since that event it has been replaced with the ever more populair OMGWTFBBQ.
Hare Rama...Rama Rama...Rama Krishna...Hare Kishna: Our Dutch God loves you.
Voor 5 euro had ik je vader kunnen zijn!, This is a way of saying goodbye against a good Dutch friend.
Krijg nou tieten!: Grow tits! Exclamation of unpleasant surpise, to which the traditional witty riposte is
Hoe groot wil je ze hebben?: How large do you want them?
Van de pot gerukt: Yanked from the (toilet) pot. Said about anyting idiotic. Pejorative is Van de pot gepleurd (Fallen off the pot) which implies even greater stupidity.
Van de ratten besnuffeld: Sniffed by rats. Said about something really nasty.
In april gaan alle vogels van bil: Sweet april sometimes wears a white hat. Comment about the weather in april, during which it occasionally snows.
De kat op het spek binden: To look the cat out of the tree. Not plunging into a venture, holding back until things become more clear. Being prudent.
Ik weet waar je huis woont: I know where your house lives. This is a formal marriage proposal SERIOUS THREAT, usually spoken by the husband-to-be large individuals bearing some resemblance to Neanderthal man. If you wish to express non-marital yet beddable interest to a Dutch woman, you can use the slightly more raunchy dee horribly and screaming, respond with Ik weet waar je bed slaapt: I know where your bed sleeps. Which is an even more bad-ass threat. Be prepared to back it up.
Je slaat de spijker op de kop!: You hit de nail on the head. It means that you've said what the other wanted to say.
Hoe dichter bij nul, hoe strakker om de lul: A sentence to pick up teenage girls.
Geitenneuker: a civilised way to greet a Dutch Muslim. Most likely, he will embrace you as a guest and give you tea.
Words to be said after every sentence
Uberhaupt: At all. To underline your comment...strongly.
Desalniettemin: Nevertheless. To confuse your discussion partner. Often used in combination with Edoch
Dussss: Thussss. To handover the talking stick to your discussion partner.
Weetjewel: Like, totally. Seeking confirmation.
Ofzo: Or so. A way of undermining the accuracy of the sentence you just spoke.
Hoor: Has no meaning in and of itself, but is used after every "yes" and "no" for emphasis.
Krijg nou een blauwe zak!: Grow a blue sack, which means i'm hungry.
'Toch?: used very often by Jan Peter Balkenende, the Dutch Prime-Minister, to demonstrate his 'great' leadership. Meaning someting as: 'I'm right, am I?'