Ripping of The Guardian sports pages with gay abandon, i bring you "Made-up WC3 Statistics that should be true"

Total number of Dryads killed on battle.net last month: 10,690,712
Total Exp given by dyards last month: 30
Total number of heros killed on battle.net last month: 25,982
Number killed by Undead or Orc: 25, 981
Total number of scout towers built last month: 152,124,883
Total number of human tourney winners: 0
Total number of bears built last month: 9,405,981
Total number of tauren built last month: 1 (a mis-click)
Total number of scoutfarms destroyed last month: 7
Total number of orc burrows destroyed last month: 120,980,153

Feel free to add your own!