MixMix

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

ow.

Dikke_Paaling

@rikrok_
lol

Dikke_Paaling

What's a jew with a lighter to he's nose?
An addict

What's a jew with a gastank on he's back?
A dealer

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A man Hes got a big zip on hes forehead, It keeps on getting bigger and bigger, so he go's see the doctor, the doctor examines him good and then tells the guy
"I have some good news and some bad news" "the bad news is that there's a penis growing on your forehead" "the good news is that you wont be able to see it because the balls will hang in front of your eyes"

:D
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A man has gotten an orange penis, he's worried about it so he go's see the doctor.

*man : euh dr. my penis is orange :s
*doctor: can i see it?

....the man shows he's penis....

*doctor: yeah that penis is indeed orange. what job do you do?
*man: I don't have a job, I'm always home.

*doctor: and what do you do at home?
*man: I watch porno and eat PAPRIKA chips.

:p

EffeXy

@MILSONNN
lmao. that actually made me laugh for some reason

EffeXy

@MILSONNN
Classic =)

Dikke_Paaling

@MILSONNN
lol i already posted thatone weeks ago :p

Xythical

@MixMix
Good one ;)

Xythical

Where were the jews during WW2?

They were camping out.

Semmeh

@MixMix
rofl i lol'd i really just put my pizza in my oven and i read this joke hahahhaa

Semmeh

Anyone who says onions are the only veg that make you cry has never been hit in the face with a turnip!

_________________

My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead.

Xythical

@rikrok_
i am 14 -_-

EffeXy

@Xythical
LoL!

SK|Zechs

After watching 'queer eye for the straight guy',I thought that if i made gay friends they would help my fashion sense.

Instead, they fucked me.

Semmeh

Little suzie gets home from school and tells her mum exitedly:

Suzie: Mum all the boys in our class kept asking me to do a cartwheel!

Mum: Did you do it?

Suzie: Yeah, they asked me to do more! I was good!

Mum: Don't do that! They just want to look at your underwear!

Suzie: I know thats why I hide them in my bag.

mbhawk

Q: How come you never play poker in the rainforest?

A: The rainforest is full of CHEETAHS!

GamlaSonn

@KingCrimson
You're a sick man crimson :(

Schnuggles

@Queen_TT
It's in the movie pulp fiction.

xcasterx

This one is awesome :D

So one day there is this bus full of ugly people going on a field trip. However the bus falls off a cliff on the way there and they all die. :(

All the ugly people in the bus then go to heaven and they meet God. Since God feels so bad for them he grants them each one wish.

So the ugly people all gather around in a circle and and decide what to wish for. They then decide to wish that they would all be beautiful.

So one by one they line up and wish for themselves to pretty. But as the line grows shorter and shorter, the last guy on the line starts laughing.

Eventually, the last guy is up and he is laughing so hard that he is on the floor. God asks "What is your wish?". The guy replies "I wish they were all ugly again!"

Dikke_Paaling

@xcasterx
hahahahaha luv that shit :)

whats the difrence between a bus full off old people and a crockodile?

a crock has 2 eyes and a 100 teeth, a bus full off old people has 100 eyes and 2 teeth :p

eSphet

@KingCrimson
This was fck'n sick :D
:D rofl

davinhoo-

@_evan
a lot of - Thumbs here ! :p

Xythical

@_evan
Worst joke every:

Evan isn't virgin

kutuzov_tt

@FieldOfMars
shit, the first one which made me laugh:D:D:D:D 10/10:D

DEZATINO

ok this is SOOOOOOOOOO BAD!

a apple turns to another..

(the joke is over)

ROFL heard by some psico

Dikke_Paaling

A had a dogg called spike, now i have a steak :p

(in china this is not a joke :p)

DriveR-

i don't know if this one was said till now but i'll still write it :D

a guy was ridding on a horse...suddenly he falls...
why ? the horse ended =|

Semmeh

What is the most stupid animal in the jungle?

A polar bear.

___________________________________________________________________

A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread"
Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf? We haven't got any fucking bread. Ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar, you irritating bastard bird!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Dikke_Paaling

haha :)

Semmeh

Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way? and the other 30% were sucked into it.

Schnuggles

Worst Joke I've ever heard:

I. Have you ever seen a refrigerator in the woods?

II. No.

I. Yeah cuz they're simply too fast.

PsEnAs

a cobra bit Chuck Norris once, and after 5 hours in agony......

cobra died

PsEnAs

A guy comes to see his doctor with a big knife in his back

Doctor says: Sorry, im just about to go home my ordination hours are over.
Patient says: Please, please, help me i dont know what to do.

Doctor starts to think.
After a few seconds the doctor pulls the knife out of the patients back and stabs it into the patients eye.

Doctor: Go to opthalmology theyre going to be there whole night.

Felix15-

Your mother is that fat, she fell out of the bed, on both sides.
Your mother is that dumb, she has a solar-powered flashlight.

Schnuggles

@Felix15-
:)

Your mother is that fat, I took a picture of her last christmas and it's still printing.

Semmeh

What does a tornado in Georgia, a hurricane in Florida and a divorce in Alabama have in common?

Somebody's going to lose a trailer.

MindPL

What Jew doing on the swing?
He makes sniper fucking mad

Wolvi-

@ooidort
a rabbit and a snowman walk next to each other. then the rabbit says "if i eat carrots i always have to fart", the snow replies "i cant smell anything".

BaKsuZ_

Whats the difference between a fairy and a witch?
Five years of marriage.

A guy survives a airplane crash and lands on an island. The guy says "Thank you God for saving me". A minute after he looks around and sees 20 cannibals with spears approaching him. The guy says to himself: "Now I'm screwed". Than God says to the guy: "No you're not, kill one cannibal and take his spear and kill the tribe chief". The guy does that and the cannibals retrieve. Than God says to him: "Now you're scewed".

http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/4238/israelty0.jpg
Open up we know you're in there!

A guy drives throw a Stop sign. A cop stops him and asks: Why the hell didn't you stopped?!
The guy answers: I didn't stop, I just drove through slower.
Cop: That's not the same! You should've stopped!!
Guy: And where is the damn difference!?!?!?
The cop forces the guy out of the car and start hitting him like crazy: YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR SLOW DOWN?!!?!

Two cops playing cards.
One says to the other: "Check-mate"
The other one says: "WTF?! We're not playing dominos"

Chuck Norris pnwend the wall in tennis.

PsEnAs

@SnoleX
lol but i would put wroooooom not boom there

Semmeh

The Olympics: The only time black people ever run BEFORE they get the gold.

The Olympics: The only time where millions of people can watch a 14 year old in just a pair of speedos and get away with it.

__________________________________________________________________
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

DEZATINO

The new Spawn movie ahahaah

matiapag

jj, it ist the worst joke Ive ever heard, n1 man :D

Semmeh

My wife got me to tie her to the bed last night. When I did, she said that I could do anything I wanted.

So I had a shave and fucked off down the pub.

nocturnaL-_-

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says "Dam!"

Semmeh

A man is at the bar one night and decides he should go outside for some fresh air due to the fact that he is extremely drunk. When he tries to stand up he falls on his face, so he tries again and falls again. Finally he crawls home and sneaks into bed. In the morning the man's wife wakes him up and says, "you went drinking last night didn't you?" Realising he was caught the man asks how she knew and the wife responds by saying, "you left your wheelchair at the bar again."