The human autobiography in 5 ep.

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
From: Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
This little poem says it all. If you understand it's good if not, not.
I found it in the above mentioned book and loved it. it's funny yet so accurate. That's exactly how our life goes by and can be applied to each person, it's universal.



Affirmation.

So okay this was coming as some already felt it so here it is.
So, In the end how would you define NORMAL and/or normality? Hehe if we start from Einstein which said everything is relative except time and human stupidity how can you actually define normal?
If you look in the dictionary probably you'll get: "In behavior, normal means not deviating very much from the average" and here is where the main neuralgic point is.
okay but who decides this average if not ppl and the culture you are living in. So in the end how does a person gets to set his definitions about right- wrong, normal-abnormal.. if not influenced and pressured by the society he/she lives in?
Open now any magazine, any newspaper, the TV and you'll soon find out what 'normality' is the society promoting. The sad thing is that many fall in this trap certain X or Y persons set for you to buy and generate income in a designated area.
I'm not saying that looking good or trying your best it isn't good. On the contrary it shows the personal respect you have for yourself more than anything and then the rest. But guiding your life upon some stereotypes (coz this is what it is in the end) it's pretty sad.
The funny thing is that , actually there are 2. First is the fact those pics you see aren't even that real. they are heavily worked on and enhanced with lights, shadows to show or to hide. and secondly if you ask any guy or girl, who you see in your eyes as being perfect, even they aren't 100% happy with the body they have.
So if that person starts whining about the imperfections then what is it left for you? hehe.
This also reminds me of a song. It's sang by Sugarbabes and it's called Ugly.
I have to say something. Among first things I look at a guy are 2 things. Shoes and hands (specially nails). It can say a LOT! about a man, about the respect he has for himself, how much of a slop he is, the norms he is guiding himself upon.
I believe the most important it is to know where to draw the line.
A guy getting a manicure as in cutting his nails and cuticles is perfectly fine but putting nail polish i believe it's a little too much ://.
If girls are bound to do so many things i believe guys can do a few things also to show they respect us and above all they respect themselves. We live in the 21-st century after all not some ice age some still try to live in.



Stay in school!!!

Please for fuck sake stay in school. If you would even imagine how damn tired I am of brainless idiotic people.
I was talking with my friend today when we had our 'regular' walk in the park and we came to talk about guys.
Going beyond physical aspect coz in the end aspect is not everything in a relationship we reached the conclusion that the vast majority are a bunch of brainless peasants who cant make a clear phrase which also makes sense and contains something relevant.
If you ask them what they do, or what preoccupations they have they are so......... FUCKING empty they got NOTHING! all they want is to screw you faster and better. they have no dream, no ideal, they don't aspire more for their life, they don't wish to surpass the daily ignorance and state they are currently living in.
it's really pissing me off coz i don't understand these sort of ppl, and more of it, i don't even want to understand them. How can you self indulge in this ignorance, in this.. nothingness?
I cannot say this rule applies to all but 95% of ppl I have met so far are low lvl (NEWBS) and 5 % of them are nice and smart ppl who are either on my MSN list either my friends already :p... JK!
but seriously is fucking annoying when you can't talk with a guy nothing else but how's the weather outside.
i tell you what, you fuck for 20 mins and you sleep for 8.. the rest you better have something to say. So stay in school and read books to make sense of you when you open your mouth.
thank you and good day.



Fields of Innocence

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
oh I...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now
Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
oh why...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Today I was listening to this song by Evanescence and somehow it always manages to triggers forgotten feelings. I even have on my MSN one of the verse translate in Korean :
"?? ??? ??? ???, ??? ?? ???? ??'
where did my heart go, an uneven trade for the real world
No I ain't gosu at Korean but it's good to have friends who can translate for you when you need heheh ^-^.
Anyway, don't you sometimes feel that when you were a child you were feeling the ppl, the places, the feelings, everything different? I sometimes wonder why everything changed so dramatically?. I still go and visit or live near same places I used to when I a child but I don't have same feeling nemore. I don't hold same joy in my heart when spring is coming or summer and same joy when summer holiday was arriving when i was free of school and other worries as i did when i was a child. Where did my feelings went to? why everything seemed to be more magical, why did the sun seemed to glow brighter back in those days.
What are those things which keep continue to jade you heart with each day passing by?
I do feel somehow lost in a translation. I don't feel anything is known to me, everything seems to be weird, acts following weird rules i feel trapped in a strange world and I cant wake up nor escape.
I feel sometimes relived when i manage to return to the world so known to me, my dreams, my places the things I've keep doing and visited so many times. things there do make sense, I feel the calm and the peace even in the most terrible nightmares.
I want to go back believing everything and not knowing nothing at all...
"Every life is a march from innocence, through temptation, to virtue or vice."
~Lyman Abbott~



Good or Bad?

well I was having a conversation over MSN with one of my friends and the idea of creating this blog flourished right there.
I have to admit that I don't believe in Jesus and I ain't a god believer person either but from one to another we came down to talk about world peace. And if this ain't one of best and nicest dreams many ppl had but how doable this dream really is?
well my friend was saying if everyone would embrace Jesus and love others how they love themselves. okay lets forget about Jesus but if ppl would be deprived of a thing (lets say bad) how could you even compare, how could you even tell which is the darkness and which is the light. How can u say which taste you like better salty of sweet if you only had sweet?
that comparing between light and dark reminded me of Plathon and the cave myth. living in total darkness only means ignorance, mind narrowing and if something humans do is to explore, to find out. nothing equal with the joy of finding out with the curiosity. that's why even the ppl in Plathon's cave managed to get out into the light as well.
perhaps world peace would be nice. I am sure many issues would be still solved by reasoning by is it really achievable?
Jesus said love eachother as I have loved you. well yeah right, sure only one problem with that. He was the son of god. even if he had a human body his spirit was perfect. No man can have this since he aint a god himself or no near perfection. We were born a bunch of sinners, open for mistakes how could we even achieve perfection if ourselves arent perfect to start with? We don't even have a perfect body how can we ask to have a perfect soul?
"“The end is the beginning of all things, Suppressed and hidden, Awaiting to be released through the rhythm Of pain and pleasure.”"
~jiddu krishnamurti




From Darkness to Light

You will often hear "you should do this, and this because, mum/dad/church/ppl say it's good". You are often given a rigid principle to guide yourself upon. Something those ppl only heard about also coz they have never experienced.
So from here the long path to darkness begins. Frustrations, repressing you own wills and your own desires. One of the major problems and i can even go as far as saying that many of the now days diseases (some not all of course) are directly influenced by the darkness in your soul. Years of oppression and years of repressing something it shouldn't have been.
Many say dark is bad while light is good. (the eternal fight between darkness and light). well I beg to differ. In the absence of darkness how can you tell which is light? God didn't just created the days but he also has created the nights.
Both feelings/emotions positive and negative are energies. When you are happy it's like you suddenly discovering energy you never though possible having, and when you are upset/mad/furious you are surprised with the intensity and the strength you experience. Now it's up to you to decide what to do with it.
Nothing has only bad aspects not even darkness. Lets take for example 2 common feelings the human being feels. Sadness vs Happiness. Both are with double edge.
Sadness can invite you to deep depression, profound discomfort and even can go till suicides but it also has a 'brighter' side. You explore depths of yourself you never knew before, a lot of ppl (like most of them:p) write better or have a more vidid imagination while they are sad. I even find it a little had to write now coz i am simply not there. It opens my eyes, I can view things in a new light i have never seen it before.
[IMG]http://mars.walagata.com/w/vbadgirl/from_darkness_to_light.jpg[/IMG]
Happiness is also good. It fills your heart up, you feel like floating but you ca also do silly things. Like being an airhead and cause an accident or hurt yourself coz in that moment you lose the touch with reality. You are projected somewhere above. That's why it's said to be an uplifting feeling.
Why all keep saying that being happy is good and being sad bad? well mostly because they are afraid of the new, the known, the real them. in sadness you truly find yourself and you explore the dusty corners of your soul.
heheh now, don't understand that it's good to feel sad most of the times coz it's not. To feel complete a human needs booth. More like.. ying and yang. But all you have to do to stop the darkness is to turn on the light and vice- versa. When too much of one exists you get jaded, you start feeling that you don't live anymore and that something is missing.
One thing is for sure in you, there will always be a dark and a bright side. The next thing for you is to accept it, to call an armistice, and make peace with it. Only when you will do that you will become a whole, a complete being. It will be a next step in your evolution.
Free yourself and live life like you should have been all along.
PS: some of the ideas i have subtracted from the book I'm currently reading. It's Osho: Emotions. If u ever come across it, read it. It will explain feelings a lot better than I could and touch other emotions. I could only talk about sadness and happiness but there is also anger, jealousy,fear.. etc. How you can balance them and see the light even in the pitch black of your heart ;). A lot of the answerers are there.



Silly blogs, empty souls.

After I have managed to bloom the curiosity of reading some of the blogs found here i have become increasingly disappointed. I don't wish to offend anyone but i feel that most of them write these silly attempts of blogs simply coz they have nothing better to do.
The material contained in them is practly void. nothing expressing, nothing to be told. Just a bunch of words thrown on a white page to either draw attention either to fill an empty space between 2 topics or until someone answers a topic which they are watching.
why I say I'm disappointed? well because I find it sad to find so many empty heads and souls. I knew the situation was a little desperate but never at this amplitude.
I shall go back to my lovely book.




Freedom or Morality?

I have to admit that the idea of this blog came into my mind a while back but i was curious about what would ppl pick if they were to choose between those 2.
As it is now, the balance swings for freedom but the main question arises. Can you, can WE even talk about any freedom?
Sure nobody stops you to think whatever you want, you do have total freedom there but can you do or act the way your FREE WILL dictates you?
The answer to that is NO. As long as you are part of a society or group you are 'forced' to obey the rules, norms, laws (written and unwritten) which exists within. Sure you can kill some one you wish (free will), you got the freedom to do so but what about consequences? well, you will go to jail, loosing the own freedom you were trying to exercise and in the worse cases paying with your own life.
Ok, lets not talk about murder, 98% of ppl won't take things that far. but what about saying what you think? Do you think even that will be welcomed? I highly doubt. Ppl will, in the end isolate you from their group, exclude you. You will end up lastly a social outcast, plunging into depression and other harmful habits. The human being is after all a 'social animal'. In order to exist, it needs to be part of a group or society and moreover a culture.
So this is what i think, that freedom is just an utopia,something you talk about in general terms but something you don't really have. Do you have freedom or not?




Weird dreams

It's quite been a while since i could remember a dream of mine but this time the feelings which lingered were too strong not to remember.
I dunno how intense the other peeps are dreaming but i can say it feels for me as if i was there. I can remember the texture of the touch, the smells, the feelings i had.. etc. That's why i have made up my own little theory saying that we live in 2 worlds, parallel ones. one we live during day time and one at night while we dream.
anyway what makes this dream weird? well mostly coz i have dreamed myself at general school (the place I've done the years 5-8). I have to say that I have done a lot of stupid things while i was there.. hahah.. and I'm very found of that place but i found it weird for me to be there.
anyway so I was at school. I cant remember exactly if i was a student there because i don't remember going to any class and also i remember the ppl around me (the other students) were my age.
anyway and here I was standing in the school yard looking around then suddenly a group of ppl catches my attention, some girls and some guys standing there talking. But also there it was this.. how can i explain.. better.. XD.. super gorgeous guy standing there, kinda quiet.
Here comes the weird part, he was Korean. yeah i know, it makes absolutely no sense why a Korean guy would have been there. (mostly coz in Romania we don't have a lot of foreigners and specially Asian). Anyway weirder is the fact i had a GF which was Korean also. and she comes to tell me something so i start talking to her (i think i was talking in English, which is another WTF since i am Romanian and usually dreams are in your mother tongue XD).
So i talk to her, show her the guy i had my eyes stuck on and the fact i would love to get to meet him XD! So i ask her if she could go to him and ask him to come over and if he would like going out with me.
(as you see I'm not wasting much time ..lmao)
anyway the guy says he has to leave but he looks at me, scans me and agrees with going out with me. Gives me a place and a time we meet and he leaves.
after that, she comes back, tells me what he said and then she also leaves.
next thing i know is that we meet, on a street familiar to me (near my mum's place). Probably you will ask yourself, what about communication and understanding each other. well there was no verbal communication, since i don't know Korean XD and he didn't knew Romanian or English ( i don't remember if all the dream was in English and not in Romanian also).
anyway, one thing was for sure coz things started to heat up XD!.. and when things are set on fire the communication goes beyond words.
I hold his hand and lead him up to my mum's apartment.
well i have to say, i lived with my mum for like 18 years but i moved out after that, that's why i call it mum's place. anyway there i grew up.
so we go to my room, which had a weird set up, not like my old room used to have and we start kissing, touching each other.
the next part is censored for minors XD so i better not write it down.. but anyway.. what is weird are the feelings. and i gotta say i felt that guy extremely familiar, like we belonged together. I felt secure and above all what it bugs me the most its the feeling i have that, that particular guy was part of my life before.
do you guys know what Deja-vu is? the action is not that weird (well weird to some extent) but the feelings I had while dreaming were very weird XD.
Also i gotta confess something... haha, well all my life i felt attracted by Asian looking ppl. I find them a lot sexier than caucasian looking guys. I dunno, i have no clue why is that.. just the way i feel.
-end of story-



Yoda- the REAL truth revealed.

well Ok.. i was a little behind in watching this last episode. I was supposed to have friend over to Romania and go watch it together on my birthday. But anyway story cut short, I've watched it pretty recent and well if i wasn't much impressed about it, it still managed to raise a few curiosities . Today i was just browsing the star wars official site and believe it or not i have came onto something well.. plain funny.
The little green good wise man is not that good after all.
If you are wondering why he couldn't defeat dooku and palpatine and wassup with that weird first encounter with Luke? well my dudes he was drunk. it seems the little green man has a problem with booze.
and coz that obviously is JUST the top of the iceberg, it appears Yoda was a gangster also. i mean come on.. wouldn't you get bored in 900 years, willing to try something new?, not being so good after all?
It might explain "the reason that Yoda fled to Dagobah in the first place was to escape the police that were chasing him"
TSK TSK.. can you believe it? and guess what.. I'm not done yet.
The final blow is yet to come. I was saying earlier about being 900 yrs old and prolly lonely. I mean come on.. which man doesn't get lonely after a while and what is the best way to forget a little about that? well, nothing more than a great collection of "Twi'lek Playboy".
It seems the wise lonely guy was hiding them under his chair. I was a little surprised that the playboy magazine managed to survive that long, considering the year taking place for star wars trilogy.
Well yeah I begin to understand.. and its one reason anakin skywalker did turn bad after all. An alcoholic master and making him meditate of porn.. well.. this the sure path to darkness :/. And when i though all along love sucks and it ruined him. i suppose some things do find their explanation a lot deeper.
GG little Yoda.. u got a no re also.
Note: the full blog entry can be found http://blogs.starwars.com/greenman/1

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